Oh poop.

Dear Hotel Guests,

If you are old enough to sit in the hot tub, you should be old enough to know that you don’t POOP in the hot tub.

We have provided multiple toilets in the pool area, and throughout the hotel for your pooping pleasure. Please use those next time. You even have your very own toilet, in your room.

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

Elevated blood pressure is more like it

Dear Hotel Guests,

I understand you want to be close to the elevator. Segways weren’t the hit everyone thought they would be, so walking thirty feet from the lifts to get to your room is a lot to ask. That’s why when you have this preference set on your profile, and you call to make sure we know you’re lazy and don’t like having to move yourself significant distances, and then check again upon arrival for good measure, we make sure your room is actually very near the elevator.

We are great and hospitable and attentive to your needs! We did what you wanted, to a tee! Please hold your applause; I know you’ll give us a standing ovation.

Alas, never the case. You hear the elevator dinging all night! You witness people pit patting down the hall! It is far too close, and you demand a room change to ensure you receive plenty of beauty sleep.

Sigh. I didn’t realize you wanted to be near the elevator, but not too near! Forgive me, beloved patron, for I once again failed at the fine art of mind reading.

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

If your toilet's running, you'd better catch it!

Dear Hotel Guests,

I understand that it is most unfortunate that your toilet ran all night. I would be displeased also, especially paying good money for said toilet, or at least the room in which it resides. However, how, pray tell, do you expect us to fix it if you do not tell us until you check out in the morning?

It kept you up all night? I really am sorry to hear that, but had you been at home, what would you have done? Do you really want to let some crappy (heh heh) inanimate object disturb your sleep?

If you didn’t want to hear it, and didn’t want to tell anyone else so they could fix it, why not shut it off? It works just the same as your home toilet, and I guarantee had you been sleeping in your own bed you would have turned if off, and dealt with it in the morning. Depending on your desperation, you may have even called a plumber to pay exorbitant night hour fees.

It is not your fault the toilet was running. I do not blame you at all. Had we known of the problem prior to your arrival, we would have fixed it in advance. We can’t fix something we don’t know is broken. The only thing I blame you for is your poor sleep. That was preventable. Better luck next time and happy flushings to all!

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk