Sunday, February 3, 2013

I'm not sure what you're smoking, but the answer is no.

Dear Hotel Guests,

As a convenience to our guests, we offer limited smoking rooms. Sometimes, guests who make reservations ahead of time intentionally book these rooms, with full intention of utilizing them for their purpose. This we encourage. So when you show up on a random evening, expecting one, and they are not available, this is not my fault.

No, I cannot and will not make one of my nonsmoking rooms into a smoking room for you, thanks for asking. Nor will I make an exception just for you, and ruin a perfectly good room. It is not worth one night’s revenue, when I’ll undoubtedly have to either refund everyone who stays in that room until the stench goes away, or put it out of service.

If you then decide to whisper to your spouse that “maybe we should go outside to talk about this and someone else will be here when we come back,” maybe you should lower your voice. But what do I know; I’m just some silly desk clerk who won’t let you wreck a room. Let me know how that devious plan pans out, will you?

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk