New and Improved Babysitter's Club

Dear Hotel Guests,

If your child is too much of a handful for you, then please consider hiring a sitter during your vacation. Leaving your child to wander aimlessly throughout the hotel is not recommended, especially when said child has a creepy fascination with serial killers from movies.

When this child asks for scissors and I deny the request, and child becomes very angry, my decision in denying the scissors is quite vindicated. Same is to be said for when I deny the child a glass bottled beverage to “throw at mom” because “it would be fun,” and child becomes quite displeased.

Perhaps if parents watched child, or had someone in line to actively watch child, (not the Desk Clerk) child would not want do engage in dangerous activities that could result in a murdering rampage throughout an innocent hotel.

Just a thought. But I don’t have kids, so maybe there is something I’m missing.

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

You too!

Dear Hotel Guests,

Desk Clerk: "Enjoy your stay!"
Guest: "You too!"

I'm sure we've all done it, but I still get a kick out of it happening on a weekly basis. Many people stress that they said it, and become embarrassed, but it doesn't bother me. Gives me a chuckle, and when it comes down to it, I guess we all just want to return well wishes from others.

Sincerely,
Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

You may be in your own world, but you're still in public!

Dear Hotel Guests,

While checking in, please try to go sixty seconds without answering your cell phone. I understand the desire is strong to carry on a menial conversation about leg waxing/oil changes/ baby poop or whatever the topic is of the moment, but I thought you were trying to rent a room.

If you do feel obligated to answer the phone, which you typically do, those behind you in line and those working the desk would appreciate it if you excused yourself for a moment. That way, we can all carry on with our lives without hearing the excruciating details of Uncle Jerry’s snoring problem.

It’s called courtesy. It’s not a myth.

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

Nonexistant Rooms

Dear Hotel Guests,

When you ask me “which way to room 119,” and I tell you we don’t have a room 119, I’m not trying to mess with your head, convince you that you’ve entered the Twilight Zone, or be funny. The room actually does not exist. I am trying to help you out before you wander up and down the hall in search of a door that is not there.

I have a computer in front of me in which I can look your actual room up and give you precise directions. Arguing the fact that the room really is there, and claiming it is definitely the room you checked into isn’t going to make it magically appear. Let me know if you do in fact find it.

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

A Disturbing View into A Desk Clerk's Head

Dear Hotel Guests,

Two frequently asked questions and the manner in which they are asked:

What you say: “Hi, do you happen to know at what time we are required to check out?”

What I say: “Of course, check out is at noon. How’s your stay?”

What I’d like to say: “No. I have no idea when guests are required to leave the hotel. Such a strange and new question, this will require research outside the realm of mere desk clerk.”

What you could say instead: “What time is check out?”

What you say: “Would you by any chance know if there is a public restroom on this level?”

What I say: “Just straight down the hall, you won’t miss it! How’s your stay?”

What I’d like to say: “No, why would I know that? I guess if your room is on this level you could go there, but otherwise, I’d have zero reason to know if there is one here.

What you could say instead: “Could you direct me to the restroom on this level?”

Long story short, if it’s a question that is answered in the welcome guide or on the directional signs throughout the building, I will, without halter, know the answer, and gladly tell you, without even a sarcastic thought in mind. It’s elementary, part of the job.

However, when you are certain I will know the answer, and you still say “Do you know?” the tides turn a little.

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

It's the End of the World as We Know It! Or 2012, either way.

Dear Hotel Guests,

If the guests we encountered during the first shift of 2012 are any indication of what we have in store for the year, we are in for a real doozy. Stay tuned for some highlights.

All the best for a happy, successful, healthy and prosperous end of the world- I mean New Year. For our guests, we hope the same, because if you’re all of those things, then so are we! Enjoy.

Sincerely,
Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk