Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Have a drink on me!

Dear Hotel Guests,

Although I usually only address rogue visitors, I must point out that some of you are most spectacular. It’s just not as entertaining to read about people functioning as normal human beings. Anomalies are more interesting. Do you go to the online doctor to read about average toenail growth speeds? No. You go to read about the bulbous wart growing off your nose and to find out if whatever is oozing from it is normal.

                However, it must be noted that anomalies are not always bad. In fact, some are most excellent. And to this I would like to write about an encounter with a guest who visits multiple times during the month. Upon finding out about my upcoming vacation, the man disappeared to his room. Shortly returning, he offered me a gift, saying to have a drink on him whilst on vacation. I was surprised, and thanked him profusely. When I unfolded bill, I thought for sure it was a blunder. Afraid that perhaps his eyesight was failing.

                “I appreciate your generosity,” I said, “but I’m afraid you may have made a mistake.” He looked at me grinning, and I continued, “You said you wanted to buy me a drink, but that will buy me a few more than one!” Grabbing a cookie he answered me, still smiling, “Well you can’t have just one! You have to order a round!”

                He started to walk away, and before wishing me well on vacation said “I’m just glad I was able to do that for you.” People aren’t always so bad. And while I’m enjoying my holiday, I will know what it’s like to be on the other side. A simple gesture, to show someone you appreciate what they have done for you, makes a difference.

                And that, folks, is where I will be next week. Once I return, I’m sure I’ll be back to my usual snarky adventures, as I won’t have a weeklong getaway hovering on the horizon to get me through the days.

Bon voyage,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Waste removal person, at your service!

Dear Hotel Guests,

As awesome as it would be to speed up and down the corridors in a miniature waste removal truck, we do not offer room-side trash pickup.

You’re not at a five star hotel where poor bellhops have to stand alert making sure not a strand of carpet is out of place, who will jump in to whisk your waste away the moment your door opens. And you’re not camping out in some dimly lit dump of a motel where fresh bags of garbage would be an improvement to the decor. You selected to stay at a nice, midrange hotel, where there is the understanding that a butler is not part of the package. You’ll turn down your own bed, park your own auto, and help yourself to cookies that aren’t served on a gold platter.

So the next time you have garbagio of which to dispose, go the extra yards, and find a trash bin for your leftover shrimp scampi if it’s too odiferous for your in room waste bin. Tossing it out into the hall when no one is looking isn’t very nice and if you couldn’t handle the smell, what makes you think your neighbors want to either. Or bring it to me, I will toss it for you, or direct you to a rubbish receptacle.

                However, things might change if we ever invest in a miniature waste removal truck that I can peruse the halls in at top velocity.


Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk