Dear Hotel Guests,
Welcome to the hotel! Hope you enjoy your stay. Now that you’re all settled in, it seems time to become inebriated and leave the kids to fend for their selves! When staying with us, you can trust a toddler to pour his own steaming mug of hot coffee, and swim unattended, without floaties.
Children, are you thirsty? Since mom and dad are preoccupied with their own frothy beverages, why not drink 14 refreshing packets of cocoa mixed with non-dairy creamers! Run amuck up and down the halls screeching and beating on doors. Trashcans are just a novelty here, because why walk over to the trash bin when there is an entire pristine floor to toss empty wrappers!
Parents, sleep tight knowing your little darlings will be up all night from devouring handfuls of cookies, and from the nightmares they will endure upon discovering the horror that their sweet treats are entirely gone. No need to worry about entertaining your lil rascals during their all-nighters, because their brand new iPads step in, right where you stepped out.
It seems you thought this was the daycare. But alas, what am I to do? If I ask your sweet child if she needs assistance in helping herself to the cabinets, she will likely run to tell you what a mean witch I am, even though I just didn’t want her to end up with pinched fingers.
Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk