Saturday, September 22, 2012

Change for a hundred?

Dear Hotel Guests,

Unfortunately, I am not a bank, and cannot provide you with the small bills you request in exchange for a one hundred dollar bill. The large majority of expensive transactions take place on credit and debit cards. The large majority of small snack purchase transactions are done with cash. As a result, we do not have access to a lot of cash.

No, it is not my fault the housekeepers aren’t getting a tip because you couldn’t get change. You won’t be able to have proper change at the toll? Sorry, let me print you directions for an alternate route. I’ve heard it all, and it doesn’t change my ability to give you change.

Your trickery in sending a travel companion to buy a drink costing under two dollars, using the same $100 bill? The cash drawer didn’t magically spawn small bills in your absence, and I still do not have change for you!

And who wants to be flashing big bills whilst traveling anyway? Guess I know who to mug in the parking lot now.

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

P.S. If my cash drawer actually magically began producing money… you’d be the last to find out.

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Now it's 51, actually!

Dear Hotel Guests-In-Training,

I would like to mark that with today, we have reached 50 posts, and have received nearly 5,000 views from trainees such as yourselves! Without you, I'd just be some lunatic rambling onto some blog of which no one has ever read. I may be a rambling lunatic (look what I'm working with), but at least I know that someone somewhere, chuckled or related. Better yet, if you dislike me, you’ve been given a step by step guide on how to really exasperate me. Either way, you’ve gained something. And for that the battle wages on.

Thanks for your continued reads, shares, and ideas. It’s good to log in on a day when I haven’t shared the link anywhere, to see a surge of views. If there is a story you’d like to share, a question you’d like answered or an upcoming hotel stay you have, don’t hesitate to contact me. I really am friendly, when I’m not dealing with buffoons, and even then, every buffoon deserves a chance to be a functioning member of society.

Yours truly,
Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

Birthdays come but once a year. Every year.

Dear Hotel Guests,

If you want to book a room a week or so in advance, and it so happens the hotel is full, please do not be mad at me for this. I understand you love it here, but apparently so do tons of other people. I guess their love is stronger because they booked sooner than you. Shucks.

You’re a rewards member you say? Well then, let me kick out some wise soul who made reservations months in advance, so you, Last Minute Sally can have a place for a birthday getaway. You slam down that telephone because that just may jostle an extra room into existence.

If it’s someone you like enough to share a hotel room with, I think you should have put a little thought into their birthday more than a week before. But that’s just me. If you’d like to book for next year’s party I can help you out, we’re wide open then!

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk