Pop Quiz on Common Courtesy

Dear Hotel Guests,

After borrowing a friend’s truck, do you:

a)      Return the vehicle to its owner ,

b)      Leave it in your driveway and wait for friend to pick it up.

When borrowing a library book, do you:

a)      Return it to the library once completed,

b)      Put it on your shelf and wait for library to retrieve it.

When borrowing a luggage cart at a hotel, do you:

a)      Return it to where you found it once through with it,

b)      Stick it in hall next to your room and wait for fellow guest or employee to return it to where it belongs.

If you answered “b” to any of these questions you should:

a)      Try to be slightly more considerate of others,

b)      Perhaps stay at a full service hotel, or not here.

That concludes our lesson for today. Any questions, we’ll be glad to help you.

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

Is there a discount for not being a member of a discount club?

Dear Hotel Guests,

We offer discounted rates to certain membership clubs and other groups, like AAA and AARP. Please do not book these rates if you are not a member.

If you book a Government rate “because it’s the cheapest” and then show up with your spouse and children, we will not give you that rate. Especially when you claim that “it doesn’t say I have to be a government employee,” and you are unable to provide documentation that you are actually there for government work.

If you book an AARP rate, because your great grandma has AARP, but you look barely old enough to legally buy cigarettes, we will not give you that rate. Unless gram is there to check you into the room, you’re going to have to shell out an extra nine dollars.

We don’t give out discounted rates just for fun. Please be able to show us you are a current member of said groups. If your AAA card expired 14 years ago, please don’t plan on a discount.

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

Landlines have superior reception to cell phones

Dear Hotel Guests

When calling the hotel and having difficulty hearing me, I would tend to believe that the television you have turned on in the background at full volume just may the culprit. The ruckus is probably not caused by the professional grade switchboard on which I answered your call.

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

Hot, Chlorinated Water Not Suitable for Eye Contact

It is inadvisable to open your eyes underwater while in the hot tub. This is fairly normal, seeing as most people would not want to expose their eyes to 104 degree water, regardless of chlorine content.

If you do decide to open your eyes in a highly chlorinated, public hot tub, then expect your eyes to sting. They may even sting if you do this in the pool. This is not due to elevated chlorine levels. There is a rich tapestry of contributors causing this “strange” stinging you are experiencing.

The levels may be slightly higher than your pool at home, but well within standards. Take this into consideration, in addition to the reason the levels are elevated. Think of all the people swimming in there, tiny children urinating, sweaty people relaxing after a work out. Now aren’t you glad you exposed your eyeballs to this?

Sincerely,

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk