Wednesday, November 27, 2013

This Blows

Dear Hotel Guests,

While I can't be entirely sure, as I wasn't there during the night when you heard it, I am fairly certain the "whooshing" noise you describe is the wind. I, too, heard the wind last night at my home while trying to sleep.  

This natural phenomenon happens when air is impacted by changes in air pressure, resulting in the air moving at rapid speeds around these areas of high and low pressure. In many cases, side effects of wind include knocking trashcans over, stirring up fallen leaves, and in rare scenarios causing loud "whooshing" noises.

While there are no cures for wind, some people recognize that nature is out of the control of the hotel clerk, and carry on peacfully coexisting with the air. However, unfortunately for some folks, it results in extended spans of negative attitudes and sleep upset. It is with this in mind, we offer a complimentary coffee station for all your caffiene needs.

Let me divert your attention a moment to the trees and decorative grasses growing out front of the hotel. Note their constant motion, and that both, while normally upright, are pushed over by an invisible force. This invisible force is the wind.

This concludes our lesson for today. Enjoy your stay, and here are some complimentary earplugs in the event the wind is incessant.

Sincerely,
Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk

 

It's raining cats and dogs and crazies

Dear Hotel Guests,

You're on the road, and may not have had space in the suitcase for rain gear. Entirely understandable, especially with airline baggage limitations. It is with this sentiment that we offer convenient compact courtesy umbrellas to keep you dry when the sky goes awry.

My apologies if said umbrella is unsuitable. Too small, doesn't fold the way you like and the color is wrong you say? Let me direct you to the nearest store for all your foul weather needs.

That's not going to work? Because you want the one you saw leaning against the wall in the back office? If it were available for me to lend, I would offer it. However one of your fellow travelers thought ahead and brought it, and asked me to hold onto it while it dries. I can't give it away.

Let me call the rain gods and see if there is anything I can do about the weather.

Sincerely,
Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk