Dear Hotel Guests,
Unfortunately, I am not a bank, and cannot provide you with the small bills you request in exchange for a one hundred dollar bill. The large majority of expensive transactions take place on credit and debit cards. The large majority of small snack purchase transactions are done with cash. As a result, we do not have access to a lot of cash.
No, it is not my fault the housekeepers aren’t getting a tip because you couldn’t get change. You won’t be able to have proper change at the toll? Sorry, let me print you directions for an alternate route. I’ve heard it all, and it doesn’t change my ability to give you change.
Your trickery in sending a travel companion to buy a drink costing under two dollars, using the same $100 bill? The cash drawer didn’t magically spawn small bills in your absence, and I still do not have change for you!
And who wants to be flashing big bills whilst traveling anyway? Guess I know who to mug in the parking lot now.
Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk
P.S. If my cash drawer actually magically began producing money… you’d be the last to find out.