Friday, July 26, 2013

Sorry the rate bites, but if you don't like it don't stay here!

Dear Hotel Guests,

I’m sorry your room bill made you hyperventilate a little bit. I don’t decide the rates; I just sell them because it’s my job. The thing is, if you decide to stay here, give us some money and sign on the line, that basically means you’re agreeing to said rates, even if you find them to be outrageous. If you don’t like them, lower your standards a tad and go to the sketchy place down the street where you sleep tight and inevitably let the bed bugs bite.

Don’t sign anything until you fully understand the terms of the registration. I know for some of you reading the fine print may come as a challenge, if your reading skills are anything like your listening skills, but it will save you the heartache of receiving a bill twice as high as you expected. We aren’t here to crush dreams. We’re here to offer you sweet dreams. Because we’re a hotel. And the beds are comfy.

Rates are quoted per night, so if you sign in thinking the “Rate Per Night” posted is actually the “Grand total for however long I stay here” you’re going to be gravely disappointed at the end of vacation. That’s why every friendly clerk is trained to say “The rate would be XYZ per night, plus tax.

Speaking of which, I’m sorry you are unhappy with the lodging tax. There is absolutely nothing I can do about that for you. There is literally no way for me to remove it from your bill unless you are able to spit up a tax exempt form. Take it up with the state government.

Thanks for your cooperation. You’ll have a much better time once you grasp these few simple concepts.

Friendly Neighborhood Desk Clerk


  1. rooms are at a premium in my city... we charge 284 to 314 per night Sunday thu Thursday...154 and up on the weekends... regular room types... suites are more... tax rate is 14%... we are not a tourist town... ours are business travelers... we hear about rates all the time... lol...

  2. I can sympathize. The thing that bothers me most is that this time of year we are a resort hotel, so the people who stay here don’t have to stay with us if they don’t like the rate. But they consciously (as conscious as they can be anyway) choose to do so, even with dozens of other options.